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Archive for the ‘adoption’ Category

Open Adoption

Yesterday, Drama Queen had her monthly visit with her birth mom, Marcie came over after church and we went out to lunch and then to the park.  It was a little too hot to stay at the park for very long, so we headed back to the house so they could hang out together.  I think they both had a great time, Drama Queen looks forward to these visits, she plans for days what they will do when Marcie comes.

    Drama Queen and Marcie at the park

I am an advocate of open adoptions whenever the circumstances will allow it,  I know that there are times when it’s just not possible or in the child’s best interest, but it is a blessing when it’s part of God’s plan.  If both the adoptive parents and the birth mother are willing to work together and put the child’s needs first,  it can be a very successful.  It’s not always easy, in fact sometimes it can be stressful, but it’s worth it.

Drama Queen was four years old when she came to live with us and six years old when the adoption was finalized.  We realized early on that an open adoption would be best for everyone involved.   There have been times over the years when we questioned whether we did the right thing by having an open adoption, but we have always come to the conclusion that we did.

We want Drama Queen to always have a good relationship with Marcie, we feel that it’s very beneficial to her emotional well being.  We’re thankful she doesn’t have to wonder about her birth family and why her birth mom decided to let us adopt her.  She knows the circumstances and realizes that Marcie did what was best for her, and she is able to talk to Marcie about it whenever she feels the need.

We love Marcie and consider her part of our family,  we talk about the future and our hopes and dreams for DQ.  Someday, Drama Queen will have both her moms there to watch her graduate from high school and culinary school (if she still wants that), and both of us as mothers of the bride as she walks down the aisle (many years from now!).  I’m blessed to be able to share that honor with Marcie.

Open adoption is not for everyone, but it certainly works for us!

Have a great night!

Love, Velvia

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                  Marcie and Drama Queen

Drama Queen had a visit with her birth mom yesterday and it went really well.  We had been unable to arrange a visit for almost a year due to coordinating schedules, etc., but now that Marcie has moved closer to us again it makes things easier for everyone.  We met for lunch and then Marcie came back to the house and visited for several hours.   When you see the two of them together you can really see the resemblance,  Drama Queen is a smaller version of her birth mom.  She even has the same laugh, it’s uncanny how much they sound alike when they laugh. 

                 Intent on their painting

Drama Queen is taking art lessons and loving it, so she wanted to paint with Marcie.  They had a great time, Marcie showed her some new techniques and really encouraged her to delve into it.  It was really sweet watching them spend time together, I tried to make myself scarce so they could have some alone time together, but I had to take some pictures.  I’ve tried to document all their visits in photos, and I keep a special scrapbook for Drama Queen of photos of her and her birth family.  I make CD’s for Marcie of Drama Queen’s photos, so she can keep up with what’s going on with her in pictures too.

                     Move over Monet!

It’s easy to see where Drama Queen gets her creativity from, the picture they painted together is beautiful!  It gives Drama Queen something to aspire to with her art.   I’m so glad they finally had a visit, it was overdue for both of them.  They really enjoyed spending time together, and we encouraged Marcie to keep in contact more frequently now that she lives closer. 

Having an open adoption is wonderful, but it does have it’s drawbacks.  Sometimes, it can be very hard on Drama Queen’s emotions, and we try to be very sensitive to that and help her work through them.  Fortunately, Marcie is very understanding and she also wants what’s best for DQ, so we are all able to work together to do what’s best for her. 

We are grateful for the trust Marcie placed in us in allowing us to adopt Drama Queen and raise her as our own,  and we won’t ever forget the sacrifice she made to give Drama Queen a better life.

Have a great night!

Love, Velvia

*** Just in case you’re wondering, I checked with Marcie to make sure she was O.K. with me posting these pictures and blogging about their visit*** 

 

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Holly, Drama Queen, & Hillary

      Holly, Drama Queen, and Hillary

We were very blessed to be able to get the three girls together for a visit this past Friday, we met at the mall and had lunch and then did some shopping together.  It was really incredible to see how much the girls have missed each other, they haven’t been all together since last June for Holly’s birthday.  It’s hard to find a time that is convenient for all three to be together, Holly lives two hours away with her birth dad, and Hillary lives two hours away with her adoptive parents. 

Drama Queen is a typical little sister, no matter how much time passes in between visits she slips right back into the role of being a little bit annoying to the two older girls.  It’s really quite funny to see them together, Hillary is very laid back and Holly is pretty laid back also, so Drama Queen, true to her nickname, does whatever she can to get their attention.  The older girls are very patient with her though, they are understanding for the most part, although there are times when they let her know they’ve had enough!

I thank God that we have been able to maintain contact for the past seven years, and I pray they will always stay in touch.  Even though they all have different lives with different families, they need to stay connected.  The bond that the three of them share is so special, and the love they have for one another is a gift that I hope they will always cherish.

Have a great night!

Love, Velvia

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Dear M.,

How do we thank you for the gift you have given us,  a gift that in the giving of it, broke your heart?  There are no words to tell you how grateful we are that you entrusted us with your child, that you loved her enough to let us give her a life you couldn’t.  As we approach the fifth anniversary of the finalization of her adoption, we want to tell you how much she means to us.

 She has grown into a beautiful young girl, with a gentle heart and a sweet spirit.  She is strong willed and quite a challenge sometimes, but she is the sunshine of our lives.  There are days when she makes us want to pull our hair out one minute, and hug her so tightly the next.  She is our precious Drama Queen!

We understand that it’s difficult for you not being more a part of her life, but we appreciate that you recognize that it’s what is best for her.  True love is putting the needs of someone else above your own, and that is what you demonstrate through this.

You are, however, a part of her daily life, from the pictures of you in her room, to the things you have given her that she treasures so much.  The bond that you share with her can never be broken, you gave her life and we will help her cherish it.

We love you!

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Yesterday was our seventh anniversary with our Drama Queen.  Just seven short years ago she came to us through foster care.  She was our first foster child, (other than a weekend respite care), and as soon as I saw her I was smitten.   This adorable little girl with the dutch boy haircut and her four front teeth missing stole my heart at first sight.  

The DFCS supervisor called me that afternoon around 5:00 pm and asked if we would be willing to take a four year old little girl.  He said it was probably going to be a long term placement.  I didn’t think twice, I said yes immediately.  We made arrangements for me to meet the caseworker.  I arrived first, and as I waited, I prayed and thanked God for bringing this little girl into our lives for as long as He would allow.  When the caseworker drove up, I saw Drama Queen’s adorable little face peering out the car window.  I got out and opened the car door and unbuckled her car seat.  The minute I took her out she grabbed my leg and said “You’re my priend” ( she couldn’t pronounce her f’s).  My heart melted and I knew that this was the child we had prayed for! 

She was with us for thirteen months and then the judge gave custody back to her birth mother.  For the next two months I grieved and prayed.  I knew it was God’s will for her to be with us permanently, but being without her was agony!!! Two months later her birth mom decided to let us adopt her.  It was one of the happiest days of my life, but it was bittersweet because even though her birth mom knew it was best, it was very difficult for her.  We have an open adoption because we feel that it’s what’s best for Drama Queen and her birth mom.  They talk on the phone occasionally and we try to see her a few times a year.   

The last seven years have been filled with so much love, joy, and at times heartache, but I would not trade one minute of it.  Our Drama Queen has been one of life’s most incredible blessings!  

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